Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
high people should be assigned attendants
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
