Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
