I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
