woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
