She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
