I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
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