Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I woke up with my bra stapled to the ceiling, her dad was in the hallway winking at me. I was the less drunk of the bunch.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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