They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
