i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
