My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
false alarm. still invincible.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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