I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
