I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
