Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
