Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Randomize
