You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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