dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
