So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
