Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
