No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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