i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
