just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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