I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
