That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
