How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
