I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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