he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Randomize
