i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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