Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
