I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
