At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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