I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Randomize
