My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
