She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Randomize
