fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
