Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
