My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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