I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
Randomize
