I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
