Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
The venue for the new years party is close to the hospital for obvious reasons.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
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