Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
