i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
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