Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
