i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
Randomize
