At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
