my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
You need Xanax blowdarts
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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