I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
