So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
