he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
