clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
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