I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
